dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
