I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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