He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
