to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
