My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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