cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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