I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
