Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
