Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
