Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
