im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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