Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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