she smelled like a LAN party
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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