i think i have herpe
just one?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
