Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
