i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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