After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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