he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
