i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
