Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
