when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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