Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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