An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
