It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
