well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
