there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
