Already got asked if we're dating
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Princesses don't give blow jobs
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
