I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
