from now on my penis is your penis
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize