I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
