Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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