if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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