i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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