Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
