I met the friendliest cop last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
