I think I am morally bankrupt
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
