Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
