i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
that is very illegal...i love you.
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