I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
