Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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