just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
try to milk me bitch
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