I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
please don't ironically join a cult
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