omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think i got beer on your cat.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
