After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
