Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
