I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
