Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
