Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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