I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
