I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
