i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
