Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
nutella sex= disaster
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
