1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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