So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
