my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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