I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
