My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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