If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
