there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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