I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
