my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize