we have pet lesbian snakes
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
In other news, I just burned my penis
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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