You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
