It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
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It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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