I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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