i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
