Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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