Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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