just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
