come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
