Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize