Only a mothe r could love this liver
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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