She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
